My interview at JC Dillarcy

So, I've had a lot of free time lately. I decided that it might be a good idea for me to get a part time job for a little while. Not to toot my own horn but I am very good at customer service. Also landing a job in customer service isn't that difficult. With my five years of experience it wouldn't be that hard to get a job. With that in mind I applied for a position at a department store. We shall call in JC Dillarcy's.

I received a phone call the following day requesting an interview. I set it up for two o'clock. The woman that I talked with on the phone told me to go to the customer service desk on the second floor. There I would find a computer with a red phone. I was to fill out some information on the computer and dial a number on the red phone. Someone would then come out and interview me.

Pretty straight forward. I didn't even think to write down the name of the woman I talked with on the phone. In hindsight that was a bad call. If any of my younger cousins are reading this, always write down the name of the person you are going to interview with.

So I managed to make it to the mall on time, but failed to make it to the store on time. This strange happening is due to the stupid dummy that designed the parking lot. I could see the store. It was simply too far away to walk to, and I couldn't get my car over there. Sometimes I think the all encompassing "they" should come up with a gps for mall parking lots.

I arrived to the interview about 10 minutes late. I wasn't too worried. Dear younger cousin, if you are reading this, NEVER SHOW UP TO AN INTERVIEW LATE. That is unless you are me and are simply looking for something to keep you from being bored.

So I walk in, head up to the second floor and couldn't find customer service anywhere. Eventually I ran into a very nice sales associate working in the home goods, we shall call him George. I explained that I was there for an interview and needed to find Customer Service. He then told me to walk to the Salon and off to the left I would find the Customer Service Desk.

Sure enough, I walked to the Salon and off to the left, through a slightly hidden door was Customer Service. There was no computer or red phone, like I was told there would be. Only a slightly perturbed woman sitting at the desk.

"Hello, my name is Laura. I am here for an interview."

"Okay," was all she said.

"I was told there would be a computer for me to fill out some information before hand."

She sighed and looked up at me, "Do you know the name of the person you are interviewing with?"

"No, unfortunately I forgot. I am interviewing for a sales position though."

"Go upstairs you will find a computer right when you walk up. Take the test and follow all of the directions. Someone will then interview you."

"Where are the stairs?"

"Right next to the door you just walked in."

Sure enough right next to the door hidden in the Salon was a super sketchy set of hidden stairs.

I walked up the steps and instantly felt like I was on a set for an apocalypse movie. I can never get over how clean retail stores can be on the sales floor and extremely dirty they are in the back. This is the most extreme case I have ever seen. It was pretty much an abandoned cube farm with many likewise abandoned offices off to the side. It was dimly lit with manikins placed sparsely throughout. Every other light was on. There were no windows.

Sure enough as I walked up the stairs directly in front of me was an early 2000s Windows computer and a red phone. I could tell the computer was on but I couldn't get it to wake up. I touched the mouse, pressed some keys, turned the monitor on and off, even tapped the power button. Nothing happened. I then turned it off and turned it back on again. It took five minutes to load. By this point it was 2:30 pm.

I got through the survey that was basically trying to surmise if I am an axe murderer. Those surveys are so easy to fool. With questions like, "Do you go out of your way NOT to talk to people?" and "Is it moral to steal office supplies?" It is pretty much a no brainier for the average bear.

After getting through the survey a screen popped up telling me to pick up the red phone and dial some numbers.

"Customer Service, how can I help you?"

"Hi, I just got finished with the career survey. It told me to dial this number to setup an interview."

"Do you know the name of the person you will be interviewing with?"

"No, I forgot to write it down."

There was an audible sigh on her end, "Hold on, I will call you back."

I sat there for a minute or two. The phone rang.

"Hello."

"Do you have time for an interview today?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Wait five minutes and I will call you back."

I waited. I eventually caved an got out my phone and started texting people. The red phone rang again.

"One of our Sales Managers, George, will be up to see you shortly."

"Great, is there a restroom I could use?"

She told me it was along the far wall to the left of where I was sitting. I walked down the aisle through the abandoned cubicles. They weren't filled with storage. In fact they were setup with desks, chairs, phones, keyboards, and mice, but no computer monitors or computers. Either everyone was on vacation and works on laptops, or no one sits there anymore. I was leaning more towards the no one sits there.

As I walked out of the restroom, I could see the George I met downstairs. He was walking around the cubes. A couple of times he looked right at me. I smiled at him and waved, but he just kept on looking. I walked back over to the desk and sat down at the computer with the red phone. He then approached me and said, "You must be Laura!" in a really high sales pitch voice.

I wanted to say, "No shit. Do you see anyone else up here?" I opted for the more polite, "That's me."

He took me to a small dusty conference room where he proceeded to talk about his career for 30 minutes.

He would ask me a question, "How many years have you worked in retail?"

"I have five years of experience working in retail."

"Oh, really? You look so young. I hate it when people say that to me. They tell me I am too young to be a manager, but I've been one for two years. Not here though. I've only been here for a few weeks. I've had four other jobs before this one. All in management. I enjoy working with people. All of my jobs have been retail..."

Suffice to say that was the easiest interview I've ever been on. All I had to do was smile, nod, and say "Oh that's interesting" every couple minutes. I passed with flying colors.

He then proceeded to ask me if I had time and who I was initially here to interview with. When I told him I didn't remember he proceeded to run through the names of all of the managers. First names only. All of the names were ones like Ashley, Jill, Samantha, Holly, Jennifer, and Tiffany. Then asked if any of those sounded familiar. Of course they all did. I said Ashley and Jill but I wasn't sure.

"Well Ashley is off today and Jill is on maternity leave. I doubt it was any of them. Stay here for five minutes and I will see what else needs to be done."

By this point it was 3:30. I had nowhere to be that day, so I just hung out in the dusty conference room. I found the interview more entertaining and less serious.

"Hi, what's your name? I'm the store manager."

"I'm Laura," I got up and shook her hand.

"Well Laura, do you know who you are going to be interviewing with?"

"Unfortunately, no. I don't remember her name."

"Okay well you will be interview with my Assistant Store Manager. Follow me." She led me through the cubicles, down another hallway, and through some double doors.

"Is it nice out?" she asked.

"Yes, a little hot. I am told it will rain today.

"I can't tell from in here."

I wanted to say, "because you don't have any windows." but I opted for, "You should get out and enjoy it at some point."

"I think I have grown too use to my controlled climate. I don't have to worry about rain."

We reached the Assistant Store Manager's office when I said to the Store Manager, "Ya, if it rains in here you've got bigger issues."

The Assistant Store Manager wisely told me that it can't rain inside. The Store Manager left without saying goodbye. With no introductions I simply said, "My name is Laura."

"I know, please take a seat." She had my resume in front of here. There are a lot of experience she could have asked me about on that piece of paper. I should know. I wrote it. Every single one of them stretching back to 2005 lists where they were located and how long I was there. She chose to ask me why I decided to move here from Alaska. I worked in Alaska for one summer in college. The remainder of my time has been in or around Cincinnati.

That's how the interview went. She would tell me about the job, then ask me a random out of the blue question.

"So you aren't commission based. However, higher sales mean a larger salary in the long run. What was your reason for leaving your job in 2010?"

This interview went on for maybe 15 minutes. She told me the amount the position made, and the hours it required. She then told me I had class on Thursday. Never told me I had the job. Just told me I had to be at class on Thursday at 10am with two proofs of ID.

When I told her I had plans for Thursday, she then moved the class to Friday. I ended up not taking the job that was never technically offered to me. Oddly enough not because of the interview process. More because of the distance from my house.

Cincinnati Mall

I work in Fairfield. Exit 41 off of 275. Everyday I drive past exit 39 and a huge sign that advertises for Cincinnati Mall. I never stop. There isn't any point really. While it is a rather large space it isn't actually a mall anymore. Basically just four huge chain stores with a lot of causeway in between and a Danburry. The mall just never got it right.

I pulled up after work on Monday. It was snowing. As I walked in the place felt eerie and to top it all off I could hear a child's laugh. A recording that played a couple of times, that I suppose was meant to be welcoming but really just made me think I'd made a terrible mistake and Freddie was going to get me. The laugh came from a collection of children's rides. The kind that cost a quarter and you can't understand why kids like them but you remember loving them as a kid too.

Right next to this small island of rides was the entrance to Kohls. But further down there was nothing. This two story behemoth of a mall full of over 200+ store fronts is, for the most part, a retail wasteland. There were signs for Auntie Ann's and Claire's, two stores I think of as staples in any actual mall. They were boarded up, or in Auntie Anne's case, just a sign.

As I walked through the mall couldn't help but get the feeling I was trespassing. Simultaneously I couldn't help but think of how America's purchasing habits have changed. That this abandoned giant is someones trophy failure. It also made me think of how I would defend myself there in a zombie apocalypse. It could work out great since no one is really there and Bass Pro Shop has boat loads of weapons and boats.

Food supplies would be a problem. There was only a Japanese express restaurant, a Gold Star, and a questionable snack place. Still the awkwardly placed gymnastics place apparently serves beer and salads. Also there are an unusually high number of M&M and Coke vending machines per square foot.

It also might work out brilliantly because the Cincinnati Mall is actually head quarters to Lakota Robotics Thunderhawks. They are a part of a program called FIRST for high school kids. In January they were given the challenge to not only build a robot that can play Frisbee golf but also climb a jungle jim. I actually spoke with some of the high school kids on the team. From my first impression I could tell they are pretty gosh darn brilliant. The shop that they occupy is full of gads of interesting robots and trophies. Apparently the robot they had on the floor could shoot 3 pointers. I was intimidated.

After that I just sat for a while. The place in general is visually pleasing. How often in today's society can you find a big open indoor space that is mostly quiet? I found a comfortable chair on the second floor and looked down upon the empty dream. If you can't tell I do have a soft spot for things that haven't lived up to their full potential. I wonder what that says about me?

From my perch I thought of what a younger me would have done with so much room to play. Tag came to mind. How awesome would it be to play tag in such a ginormous space? Or what about a giant game of two story hide and seek? Also sitting there for a while, I noticed the mall wasn't as vacant as I thought. People kept running and speed walking past me. Other people have noticed this great empty space and repurposed it as a free indoor track. Again fast runners, smart kids, and weapons make me think great place to hide from zombies.