Traffic Sucks: A Short Story

Below is a short story I have been mulling over in my brain for a very long time. I think of it often when i am stuck in traffic. I have finally given it an end but I do not think I am finished writing it. So the something new here is sharing fiction.

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They often carpooled since their offices were a block away. She, however, went into work early that day. They were leaving for Florida that night and her plan was to leave work early to make sure she packed everything they needed.

Mike loved Sarah but her attention to detail often drove him nuts. One of her favorite sayings was, "When you are 5 minutes late you may as well be 5 hours late."

He could hear her say that to him as he inched his car a little closer to the Ford Focus in front of him on I71.

"She is going to kill me," he thought.

She told him to be home at 5:30pm which had come and gone a few minutes ago. He was surprised she hadn't called him.

"The phone," he laughed.

That's how they first met. He was a salesman for an office supply company. She was an administrative assistant. Every week like clock work she would call at exactly 2 o'clock and list supplies she needed. He never really said much to her, and never really cared to until he heard her laugh. He doesn't remember why she laughed, he just remembers thinking it was the strangest laugh he had ever heard. Almost like a horse. On a whim he asked her for a date. Later she would admit she only said yes because she was in shock. For the months she ordered things from Mike she thought his real name was something else and he lived in India.

They dated for three months then moved in together. A few months later they got engaged then married the following week, to their parents surprise. She was Jewish and he was Catholic. Neither were practicing but both of them came from big families who loved to voice their opinions. He really didn't like his in-laws but since Sarah admitted they were crazy he could tolerate them on normal holidays.

They were going away for their ten year anniversary. The car in front of him moved a little further forward. His phone began to ring but he ignored it. He knew it was her. He knew what she'd say.

He thought it best to wait until he got home to explain why he was late. The radio traffic report just came on. Apparently a few miles a head from where Mike was there was an accident. A car slid under a truck and now there was a helicopter on the scene. The radio personality basically said Mike wouldn't be moving for a while.

"Great," he said, "Thanks to some moron I'm going to miss my flight and not have sex for a month."

His phone started ringing. He waited for her picture to pop up and smiled a little before he hit ignore and turned it off. She'd tell him it was his fault for leaving so late. He knew it probably was but he didn't need her to remind him.

He started thinking of what he would tell her when he walked in the door. How his working late paid for the trip in the first place.He wasn't that late anyways, and besides she already packed for him. Mumbling something about being underappreciated as he made his way past her to hurriedly get the suitcases in the car. She'd be pissed the whole ride to the airport and extremely passive aggressive. That was her fighting style. Subtle but loud. But he knew he would be okay if he got her on the dang plane on time.

"Move it!" he yelled. His thoughts drifted to the moron that was holding him up. He wondered if said moron woke up that morning and decided to cause such a mess or if they came by it naturally. Did they know how their actions affected other people? Did this stupid idiot realize how many lives they would be impacting by doing what they did? At the root of it all was the big question, did they know they were keeping Mike from what was to be the greatest vacation ever? Did they even care?

As the song ended the radio personality said that they had shut down all lanes of traffic. He kept saying it would be hours. Hours of Mike being stuck where he was. Because there were no exits between where he was and the accident.

"Stupid, fucking, day drunk idiot!" he slammed his hands on his steering wheel. He sat there waiting. Looking around, the faces in the cars began to become familiar. He could tell most were just as frustrated as he was. He made up life stories for them to pass the time. 

There was Tony in the Toyota. Based off of the empty kid's booster seat in the back, poor Tony too was headed toward a pissed off wife at home. He seemed less frustrated than Mike about this fact. More interested at looking at his cellphone screen than anything else.

Karen in the Kia just looked like a zombie. She had a long work day and just wanted to get home to her three cats Jim Bob, Jonas, and Gemini He could tell she drank a great deal of coffee. "Do zombies prefer caffeinated brains or decaf brains?" he wondered. He then proceeded the create a whole zombie human coffee franchise, before realizing it was entirely implausible. There would be no way to ensure a steady stream of product to the consumer in a zombie apocalypse. 

Looking over at Henry in the Hummer he felt the urge to get out of his car, drive the Hummer over everyone in front of him to give the driver in the accident a piece of his mind. 

An hour had already passed. They were going to miss the flight no matter what now. They used this stretch to get to the airport and from what he could tell traffic was stopped in all directions. "Thousands of people's evening plans are being interrupted because of this dumb ass." He simply couldn't get over how the driving mistake of one person could cause trouble for so many people.

He knew he would be in hot water. An hour of no word was bound to leave her clawing at the curtains.He picked up his phone and turned it on. Instantly it began to ring displaying his wife's picture.

"Hey honey, sorry I'm"

"Who is this?" a person interrupted. It was very hard to hear them. There was a lot of noise in the background.

"Who is this? Did Sarah lose her phone again?" Her phone had been dropped, kicked, stepped on, run over, and thrown in water. A traditional Nokia flip phone. She often joked about how they were war buddies and she could never let go of it. Though she often left it behind when she was in a hurry.

"Sir, you are listed as the in case of emergency contact in this phone. Do you know the number uhhmm I am calling you from?"

"Yes it is my wife's number."

"Sir, I saw the whole thing and found her her phone in the car. It works and so I've been trying to call you."

"What? Who is this? What's going on?"

"I've got someone on the phone. Her husband," he could hear the person yell. There was some ruffling and then a different voice, "Sir, I've got some news for you. A Mrs. Sarah White has just been in a car accident. We just got her out of the car and will be transporting her via medevac to Good Sam. Do you have any questions?"

My interview at JC Dillarcy

So, I've had a lot of free time lately. I decided that it might be a good idea for me to get a part time job for a little while. Not to toot my own horn but I am very good at customer service. Also landing a job in customer service isn't that difficult. With my five years of experience it wouldn't be that hard to get a job. With that in mind I applied for a position at a department store. We shall call in JC Dillarcy's.

I received a phone call the following day requesting an interview. I set it up for two o'clock. The woman that I talked with on the phone told me to go to the customer service desk on the second floor. There I would find a computer with a red phone. I was to fill out some information on the computer and dial a number on the red phone. Someone would then come out and interview me.

Pretty straight forward. I didn't even think to write down the name of the woman I talked with on the phone. In hindsight that was a bad call. If any of my younger cousins are reading this, always write down the name of the person you are going to interview with.

So I managed to make it to the mall on time, but failed to make it to the store on time. This strange happening is due to the stupid dummy that designed the parking lot. I could see the store. It was simply too far away to walk to, and I couldn't get my car over there. Sometimes I think the all encompassing "they" should come up with a gps for mall parking lots.

I arrived to the interview about 10 minutes late. I wasn't too worried. Dear younger cousin, if you are reading this, NEVER SHOW UP TO AN INTERVIEW LATE. That is unless you are me and are simply looking for something to keep you from being bored.

So I walk in, head up to the second floor and couldn't find customer service anywhere. Eventually I ran into a very nice sales associate working in the home goods, we shall call him George. I explained that I was there for an interview and needed to find Customer Service. He then told me to walk to the Salon and off to the left I would find the Customer Service Desk.

Sure enough, I walked to the Salon and off to the left, through a slightly hidden door was Customer Service. There was no computer or red phone, like I was told there would be. Only a slightly perturbed woman sitting at the desk.

"Hello, my name is Laura. I am here for an interview."

"Okay," was all she said.

"I was told there would be a computer for me to fill out some information before hand."

She sighed and looked up at me, "Do you know the name of the person you are interviewing with?"

"No, unfortunately I forgot. I am interviewing for a sales position though."

"Go upstairs you will find a computer right when you walk up. Take the test and follow all of the directions. Someone will then interview you."

"Where are the stairs?"

"Right next to the door you just walked in."

Sure enough right next to the door hidden in the Salon was a super sketchy set of hidden stairs.

I walked up the steps and instantly felt like I was on a set for an apocalypse movie. I can never get over how clean retail stores can be on the sales floor and extremely dirty they are in the back. This is the most extreme case I have ever seen. It was pretty much an abandoned cube farm with many likewise abandoned offices off to the side. It was dimly lit with manikins placed sparsely throughout. Every other light was on. There were no windows.

Sure enough as I walked up the stairs directly in front of me was an early 2000s Windows computer and a red phone. I could tell the computer was on but I couldn't get it to wake up. I touched the mouse, pressed some keys, turned the monitor on and off, even tapped the power button. Nothing happened. I then turned it off and turned it back on again. It took five minutes to load. By this point it was 2:30 pm.

I got through the survey that was basically trying to surmise if I am an axe murderer. Those surveys are so easy to fool. With questions like, "Do you go out of your way NOT to talk to people?" and "Is it moral to steal office supplies?" It is pretty much a no brainier for the average bear.

After getting through the survey a screen popped up telling me to pick up the red phone and dial some numbers.

"Customer Service, how can I help you?"

"Hi, I just got finished with the career survey. It told me to dial this number to setup an interview."

"Do you know the name of the person you will be interviewing with?"

"No, I forgot to write it down."

There was an audible sigh on her end, "Hold on, I will call you back."

I sat there for a minute or two. The phone rang.

"Hello."

"Do you have time for an interview today?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Wait five minutes and I will call you back."

I waited. I eventually caved an got out my phone and started texting people. The red phone rang again.

"One of our Sales Managers, George, will be up to see you shortly."

"Great, is there a restroom I could use?"

She told me it was along the far wall to the left of where I was sitting. I walked down the aisle through the abandoned cubicles. They weren't filled with storage. In fact they were setup with desks, chairs, phones, keyboards, and mice, but no computer monitors or computers. Either everyone was on vacation and works on laptops, or no one sits there anymore. I was leaning more towards the no one sits there.

As I walked out of the restroom, I could see the George I met downstairs. He was walking around the cubes. A couple of times he looked right at me. I smiled at him and waved, but he just kept on looking. I walked back over to the desk and sat down at the computer with the red phone. He then approached me and said, "You must be Laura!" in a really high sales pitch voice.

I wanted to say, "No shit. Do you see anyone else up here?" I opted for the more polite, "That's me."

He took me to a small dusty conference room where he proceeded to talk about his career for 30 minutes.

He would ask me a question, "How many years have you worked in retail?"

"I have five years of experience working in retail."

"Oh, really? You look so young. I hate it when people say that to me. They tell me I am too young to be a manager, but I've been one for two years. Not here though. I've only been here for a few weeks. I've had four other jobs before this one. All in management. I enjoy working with people. All of my jobs have been retail..."

Suffice to say that was the easiest interview I've ever been on. All I had to do was smile, nod, and say "Oh that's interesting" every couple minutes. I passed with flying colors.

He then proceeded to ask me if I had time and who I was initially here to interview with. When I told him I didn't remember he proceeded to run through the names of all of the managers. First names only. All of the names were ones like Ashley, Jill, Samantha, Holly, Jennifer, and Tiffany. Then asked if any of those sounded familiar. Of course they all did. I said Ashley and Jill but I wasn't sure.

"Well Ashley is off today and Jill is on maternity leave. I doubt it was any of them. Stay here for five minutes and I will see what else needs to be done."

By this point it was 3:30. I had nowhere to be that day, so I just hung out in the dusty conference room. I found the interview more entertaining and less serious.

"Hi, what's your name? I'm the store manager."

"I'm Laura," I got up and shook her hand.

"Well Laura, do you know who you are going to be interviewing with?"

"Unfortunately, no. I don't remember her name."

"Okay well you will be interview with my Assistant Store Manager. Follow me." She led me through the cubicles, down another hallway, and through some double doors.

"Is it nice out?" she asked.

"Yes, a little hot. I am told it will rain today.

"I can't tell from in here."

I wanted to say, "because you don't have any windows." but I opted for, "You should get out and enjoy it at some point."

"I think I have grown too use to my controlled climate. I don't have to worry about rain."

We reached the Assistant Store Manager's office when I said to the Store Manager, "Ya, if it rains in here you've got bigger issues."

The Assistant Store Manager wisely told me that it can't rain inside. The Store Manager left without saying goodbye. With no introductions I simply said, "My name is Laura."

"I know, please take a seat." She had my resume in front of here. There are a lot of experience she could have asked me about on that piece of paper. I should know. I wrote it. Every single one of them stretching back to 2005 lists where they were located and how long I was there. She chose to ask me why I decided to move here from Alaska. I worked in Alaska for one summer in college. The remainder of my time has been in or around Cincinnati.

That's how the interview went. She would tell me about the job, then ask me a random out of the blue question.

"So you aren't commission based. However, higher sales mean a larger salary in the long run. What was your reason for leaving your job in 2010?"

This interview went on for maybe 15 minutes. She told me the amount the position made, and the hours it required. She then told me I had class on Thursday. Never told me I had the job. Just told me I had to be at class on Thursday at 10am with two proofs of ID.

When I told her I had plans for Thursday, she then moved the class to Friday. I ended up not taking the job that was never technically offered to me. Oddly enough not because of the interview process. More because of the distance from my house.